Driving for Dollars

I have been freelancing in the San Francisco Bay area for a little over ten years. Most of my work is in regional size orchestras, occasional subbing with the San Francisco Symphony or Ballet, and various casual jobs.

For me, the driving varies in terms of the hardship and stress it adds to my life. There are times when driving to work gives me a welcome break from other activities in my day, and there are times when I simply do not want to spend another second behind the wheel.

I am envious of some of the other panelists for whom freelancing was a first choice. I have always done this work with an eye to winning an audition for a full time position with a larger orchestra. I’ve been very close, but now am coming to a stage in life when I have lost some of the zeal with which I first chased that dream. It’s hard not to see in that decline the loss of hope. As I get older, though, I am realizing that the job I’ve always dreamed of might not bring with it the happiness and fulfillment that a nineteen-year old version of myself thought it would. Does that sound like a rationalization from somebody who didn’t achieve what they wanted? It’s OK, it strikes me that way, too. For me, these questions are far more taxing and testing of my resolve than any amount of driving or other circumstances of this lifestyle.

Still I find that I am ultimately happier with my life now than I ever have been. I can only account for this by noting the support and love I feel from my family (for whom I am profoundly grateful) and my large group of friends, most of whom are active freelancers themselves. I have found our community here in the bay area to be full of people ready to help and encourage each other – not just with careers but with our lives. It helps me to think of the freelance community as more or less trying to build up and help each other to find the best life possible. If this is true, even if it is a result of shared hardship, what could be better?